Ah, Saint Valentine...

It's Valentine's day.

It's also a Tuesday night. And on Tuesday nights I pastor a community of folks who gather for our weekly potluck and prayer service. We eat dinner, we pray together, and we chat over coffee and dessert. And I love the way this gathering has helped me to think about what it means to be part of the Body of Christ. (But that's another story for another time.)

My little 'congregation,' if you want to call it that, also happens to be made up of significantly more singles of various types (never-married, divorced etc.--there are many types of single!) than of people who are part of couples. That gave me pause as I thought about Valentine's day this year.

Several of my married friends have recently noted to me as we've been chatting that Valentine's day is not a big deal, even for them. The food options are overpriced, restaurants are busy, and the whole thing is a bit silly. Today, though, I found myself wondering if those sentiments just might be a privilege reserved primarily for those who are "in a relationship," as Facebook puts it. After all, for those who are single on a day when our culture celebrates all things romantic, this is a day when we're reminded of that thing that we don't have. And in that situation, it's much harder to brush off a 'silly' holiday without coming off as a bit 'sour grapes' in the process.

I'm inclined to agree with the idea that Valentine's is commercialized and even a bit 'silly.' But silly or not, it holds in front of us a narrative that still holds a lot of power. Any time I doubted that, I only had to note the number of single friends who expressed anxiety or frustration on social media in the past week as "V day" got closer and closer.

For the record, I never set out to be single at 38. My career plans in high school were shaped by the assumption that inevitably I would marry and have children, and that I didn't want to invest in a career like being a doctor where immense amounts of work would be required, only to finally be ready to start working just at the time when I would want to have more time and energy for my family. Throughout university and young adulthood, I assumed that the right relationship just hadn't come along yet--but that it would.

It's really only in recent years that I started to wonder if maybe I didn't want to get married after all. It took me a while to be brave enough to take a step back and re-examine those long-held assumptions about what life would look like for me. In all honesty, the fact that I'm approaching forty and certain biological realities are becoming increasingly real probably helped to give me that courage. But as I thought about it, I realized that there are lots of things that I really like about my single life. Over time, I became increasingly convinced that being celibate (yes, I did just use that word!) is part of how God has called me to serve him within the Body of Christ--it's part of the gifting that God has given me. It allows me to engage in ministry and to give energy to my inner life with God that I wouldn't otherwise be able to do. The more I thought about it, the more I came to realize that I could say without irony that this too is a gift from God and a part of my story that I'm ready to embrace.

So I'm content where I am. I have a wonderful family, and I have wonderful friends who embrace me as family. I am free to love my nieces and nephews in ways that I might not be free to if I had my own children. I have no shortage of people in my life who love me and who enrich my world immeasurably. I have no shortage of people who make sure I know that I, too, am loved.

But somehow, this message is all too often lost within the church and within our larger culture. It's assumed that there's something wrong with not being married--in some cases, it's assumed that being single disqualifies people from ministry within the church. I once overheard a conversation in which another pastor at the church where I was employed was attempting to justify to a member of the church leadership team why I was single. (No, I couldn't have made that up if I tried.)

So, tonight at potluck, I decided it was important to acknowledge Valentine's day especially because of the number of people who would be present who are single. Because on a day when the prevailing message makes far too many singles wonder if they're worthy of love, we needed the reminder that we are loved beyond measure God. So, we had chocolate hearts and we reminded ourselves that we are all beloved, every one of us.

Valentine's day is just a day, and tomorrow it'll be behind us for another year. But maybe it's a reminder to all of us that being loved and valued isn't restricted to those who are in relationships. And maybe, if I can be so bold, if each one of us took the time to remind someone we know that they are loved and valued just as they are--especially those who might need that reminder the most, who might not hear it as often as they could--maybe the world would be a better place! I have a hunch that's not just true on February 14th.

And, if you're a church type, I can't resist getting a little preaching in here. After all, the blog IS called "Mennonite Girls Can Preach"! Church, we have a treasure that's going to waste in the narrative in Scripture that values singleness alongside marriage. Why have we lost this in our zeal to 'focus on the family'? Why have we lost sight of the fact that both marriage and singleness are blessed by God and have value within the Body of Christ? And when will we start making space for singles in our congregations, our small groups, our leadership teams, our women's ministries, and on it goes? We're missing out, and it's our loss!